For those Archies who have been feeling “rejected, “abandoned”, “neglected” and being “unloved” by David since his return, we have a little gem for you here. Actually, we are recycling a previous post made in October 2013 before David returned from Chile, which was titled “101 Ways Of Dealing With Archu-Silence”. Now we are dealing with our Angst. ;)
While browsing through our AAM Archives, we went through that post and we realised that much of the Archu-feelings of being spurned then were almost similar to the present Archu-feelings of being denied. Even though David is back. Even though the circumstances are different.
So let us have a little laugh at ourselves. ;)
“…zzzzzzzzz ……Ho-hum…!! …
I am tempted to post a blank page today … what does one do when one is steeped in Archu-
silence angst and the ideas to deal with it, are running out?
But hang on! All is not lost! There are still some ideas floating about – some of which are Archu-inspired – which might carry you through. Not brilliant ideas but one never knows, these ideas may just create geniuses of us lot yet.
1. The obvious remedy is to play
Crush Glorious etc on repeat … and repeat … and repeat … and repeat … and repeat … until your ears or heart or whatever, fall out.
2. Or, if you are the impatient kind, you can fly to
Santiago Church house?/apartment? and insist on signing on the Release Papers kicking up a big row on the street and that you won’t budge until a certain Elder supposed-to-be Cool Guy but dressed like an Elder, comes out. Then maybe … just maybe … if you are extremely lucky … you will see him for an ecstatic duration of 5 whole seconds minutes (no Displinary Elder here .. and pleeaase do not disturb him when he could be busy writing or recording music!) Woah what a treat!
Or, if you are the loner and dreamer-type, you can stay in your room and make a life-size image of him out of cardboard and stand him by your computer and stare at him everyday .. and every night too if you wish provided you are also not the sleeping kind. (Not recommended anymore. You are grown up/more grown up now)
4. If you like being in the kitchen, you can bake Archu-cupcakes and eat them all by yourself everyday, then spend the rest of the hours running on the treadmill. (By all means bake the cupcakes for your family, but being a true Archie, you should just warm up to his Christmas concerts – you DO know about them, don’t you??!! – by listening to CFTH .. and still run on the treadmill while listening to it)
5. If you like soiling your hands and fiddling with earthworms, you can find a secluded spot in your nearest park and plant a tree a day (since you can’t sing!) till he comes back, hopefully without too much legal entanglements and interference from the city council. (No .. just carry on with your treadmill .. good for body and Archu-soul)
6. If you hate horrid things like I do, you can strut around your neighbourhood and do some
community Archu-service by killing all those ugly, dirty cockroaches doing some hard Archu-conversion (like singing GLORIOUS at the top of your Archu-inspired voice? Don’t take your angst out on those blameless cockroaches.)
7. Or you can just mumble and grouch and learn to make a fine art of it. The trouble is, that habit in public will most certainly belie your age. (Don’t worry about people knowing your age. Keep on mumbling and grouching … the young man might just take heed one day ;) )
8. If you enjoy parties, you can organise Archu-groups every weekend and chant all day … the choice of agonised lamenting prayers or his songs is up to you. Just make sure you don’t overdo it and turn into
Archu– silence real-life zombies. (Oh…you’ve been a zombie ever since you found David? Ok then … carry on … yeah, might as well stay happy)
9. You can try talking to yourself … any time during your waking hours … and for as long as you want … With habit, you might discover the joy of partaking in soliloquy – like those Shakespearan characters (and most of those nutty Archu characters .. you are not alone ..)
10. The more sane thing to do is to talk to your dogs instead. You’d be surprised how sympathetic and empathetic they can be during these therapeutic sessions which you might want to refer to as ODD Therapy – short for “Oh-Dog-vs-David!” Therapy. (Nah! Dogs are undeniably lovable, but David is irreplaceable)
11. Another great thing to do which we totally encourage, is for you to search out all the Archu-sites and write looooong comments in groans and moans – including AAM of course.
Nonsensicle Serious stuff is welcome too ONLY. (He is a serious man now) We are a very understanding lot. We might even turn around and cry on your shoulder (We are done with crying. We are rejoicing his VOICE! Woohoo!)
12. You can do the family laundry by hand everyday – plus all those belonging to your friends … relatives … neighbouurs … church members … enemies … passersby … etc etc. And mine too! (And David’s! Write to Kari and let her know your laundry plans for David.)
13. You can also switch to listening to Olly, as a couple of AAM’ers have traitorously done! :P (Olly who? There’s only Archie Archuleta! :P )
14. You can lock yourself up in a sound-proof room and do a regimented yelling session everyday till your voice gets hoarse. Might be exorcising and purifying for your poor distressed missing-David soul. Kill your tonsils but save your soul!! (Don’t be idiotic. Save those tonsils to be destroyed later at his concerts!!)
15. You can also go to Singing School and try to sing better than he – then you won’t need him anymore. Good luck!! (You need more than good luck. You need a miracle! Heh! Heh!)
16. You will really take the cake if you do this one – sell your computer or your Blackberry or whatever, and pretend he never existed … that he has just been a figment of your imagination … then carry on with your boring and uninspired life. Good luck again! Been nice knowing you. Tata! (Tata indeed! Remember to buy an oxygen tank to aid your uninspired life ;) )
17. If you are a poor student living in a wealthy neighbourhood, you can wash all your neighbours’ cars and caravans and babysit their horrid bawling brats and start to save some $ for his future music. Make sure they pay you well! (Why all the unwelcomed hassle? Just migrate to Utah and apply to be his driver .. his butler .. his maid .. his cook .. his booking-agent yes please .. his once-a-year coiffeur yes please. Easy peasy) )
18. Or you can go to Law School for a Quickie 6-month course and create another career. (For career choice, refer above)
19. Or you can write blogs for AAM so I can do that Quickie course in place of you. (We can discuss that over a cup of Camomile and a session of EVERYBODY HURTS :) )
20. You can write your Memoirs. And call the book “Chords Of
Strength Super Exhaustion- The Power Of Endurance Depletion And Tenacity Of Fatigue” You might, with luck, make it to the best-selling list too!
21. If you are still gritting your teeth with anger, you can always write him
hate-mail super-love mail everyday and threaten frighten the hell out of him with divorce your undying passion. (Reversed psychology)
22. For the rest .. I guess you guys will just have to refer to our Archives at Oct 4, 2013. My old brain needs a rest.
Yes, Archie, we are still awaiting your shooting that poison arrow to hit straight into everybody’s heart. :P :)
PS: Wordpress, out of sympathy and empathy for the Archies, has gone a little wonky-headed and not allow me to preview this post before publishing it. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I have not made any big boo-boos. (like spelling his name with a double ‘t’?? Lol! Not possible with that! :D )
– tracewillow –