I mentioned last week that I have deleted the twitter and instagram apps from my phone. Why? So I could see how much more time I would have on my hands without them.
I would, without even thinking, pull my phone out, click on these apps, and start looking through photos, and what’s going on in other people’s lives. Not only that, you come across pictures and comments of what other people think about your life. This curiosity of what others think of you starts affecting your own view of who you are, whether it be blowing things up so your head gets big, or being hurt by the very opinionated people who happen to have an opinion about every detail of your life. But that’s beside the main point.
My main point is that I think I am on my phone for 60 seconds and I look at the time realizing 45 minutes have passed by. I was wasting too much time waiting for a new update, new picture, and imagining that I am connecting to the world when really I was becoming disconnected to reality— feeling unaccomplished and a little empty after all that time with each curiosity session of snooping around other people’s lives and what other snoopy people thought of my own life.
I am on a journey to not be so caught up in what everyone else thinks. What is the purpose in this? It is to care more about what I think. The more you are caught up in what everyone else thinks, you disregard yourself. “Nevermind what I think of myself and what is going on in my life! I am too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of me!” I feel my brain was telling myself.
These same thoughts have gone through my mind throughout all of my life. Lately I have gotten so sick of them that I decided to try and shut the voices of others off, including the ones that got stuck inside my mind. The best solution I had for this was to stop looking at everything on social media. I cannot focus on very many things at once. When I am worried about what everyone else is telling me to do, or comparing myself to what other people are showing on twitter, Instagram, and other sites I cannot focus on what my own feelings are, or what that still, small voice within is trying to tell you.
How has this been going so far? Well, my thoughts and feelings are very connected to what comes out of me musically. The more in tune I am with myself, the more music comes out. It has been refreshing to get more of my own stories out through lyrics, or even with melodies. I am discovering that the only way to get this music out is to get rid of all of the other voices from my head. When I have all of the other voices going through my mind, whatever is coming out feels superficial, dead, and empty.
Now, am I disregarding social life and contact with other humans? No! Of course not! I have actually spent more time personally with people visiting them, spending time, and catching up with friends. I just need a balance of experiences spending time with these people along with the alone time to reflect more on what’s on my mind and in my soul.
I have been creating music with many of these friends and also with a lot of great writers. I am in Nashville to be more focused on this new music project and have been forming more of this story I feel like I need to tell in the next chapter. It is exciting for me, because I feel good in the process. I don’t really know where it’s all going or where it’ll end up, but the fact that I am trying is one of the greatest feelings about it. I’m not afraid of making mistakes like I used to, and sometimes you’ve got to fall so you know what it feels like to get back up. I think getting back on your feet to keep going can be a feeling that feels even better than smooth sailing the entire time. You may end at the same destination whether you fall or smooth sail the whole time, but something about pushing through and fighting the good fight makes the entire journey all worth it—perhaps even greater than the destination itself that you were moving towards.
What I am basically trying to say is I need silence in order to function. My quiet time is valuable to me. Everyone keeps asking me how things are in Nashville. I say “It’s really nice. It’s quiet.” Part of this is because I have decided to make this quiet time for me, but also this town is a place where I feel peace.
Whoever may happen to be reading this, I would encourage you to try this yourself, and delete your social media apps even if it’s for a couple of days and see how much more you notice about yourself and life in general. You’re not going to die without it, even if at first you feel like it and that you’re “behind the times.” It’s worth it. Trust me. Next week I will be back in Utah for the RootsTech 2015 convention. I will be singing a few songs and also premiering the music video I shot in Costa Rica last Summer. It’s a song I wrote that’s actually in Spanish, and is about finding yourself by looking in the past. If you’ll be there, then I suppose we will see each other then.