Is David lost?. Absolutely not. I am just having a dig at him. And I am also having a dig at ourselves, the Achies, except for those who have turned to the self- protective armour and who have left in droves for fear of an impending doom. That’s how much David can wound us – and wound many of us, he has already.
This is not another “somewhat anti-David” post, whining and complaining about David’s unresponsiveness to quench our thirst for something more structural and solid. In fact, I think this will be a more positive one because that’s the direction my mind is going.
I’ve had to force myself to tone down my on-going ODD to get here and it had not been easy. But I know for sure that, if I didn’t adopt a more realistic attitude to this whole David-being- silent-and-distant thing, I would have thrown in the towel and joined a caravan trail to search for my ancestral roots near Tibet .. or is it Mongolia? .. and let David wallow in his chosen unforthcoming self. But then, I have found great fulfilment following David all these years and have had much fun talking to all of you who come in to read (though you don’t comment haha!).
Life is tough. So says Buddhism. There are so many things one desires to do and CAN do but there are only 24 hours a day, 8 of which we spend sleeping. But we are go-getters – we want fulfilment – we need fulfilment. We need to achieve that fulfilment in all the things we desire to do. Or else, what is the point of living? Or are we satisfied with just a mere unremarkable existence like the fat and rigid armchairs we are sitting on now – spending its entire life cushioning our butt?
David is no different. He needs his life’s fulfilments. A life that is truly his own – whether we agree or not, whether we accept it or not, whether we hate it or whether we absolutely abhor it.
It may be close to the truth to say that David has found himself; or at least, something that is close to what he wants of life. Perhaps the life of a rockstar is no longer enough for him to be completely fulfilled. I don’t know everything that is going through his mind, obviously. But, based on the many things I have read and discussed with people, and also through probing the inner depths of his eyes 😉 the main issues occupying David’s mind fall into 3 major groups (do correct me if I’m wrong) – and they are: College/ Faith/ Music.
College – there have been enough speculations and sightings at BYU and 1 other (I don’t remember which) for us to not take this as a serious contender of David’s decision-making difficulties.
Faith – David will always hold on to this steadfastly for as long as he lives. He said not too long ago that he is now not afraid to be what he is. And he does not seem to want to budge an inch as to his Faith’s beliefs, as far as we can decipher.
Music – this is the one important aspect that has worried me but I have come to terms with the possibility that David may no longer be comfortable singing secular songs. He may no longer be comfortable jumping onstage like a rockstar. He may no longer be comfortable being “adored” and “worshipped” by the likes of people like us.
But, help me, I came here specifically because of his voice. I came here deliberately for what he could give me through his musical talent. I can’t help oggling at the beauty of it all.
I doubt David would go to College and exclude his urges to do some sort of Music .. or do Music without including some undertones of his Faith (do songs with inspirational lyrics count?) .. or be totally absorbed in his Faith without partaking in Music. In short, David will have it all to his desires.
David, with his youthful wisdom, has worked it all out. He knows what he is doing. He has struck a balance of his life’s desires. Who are we to deny him?
However, if all the above bears truth of reality, there is 1 more thing that is frightening David to death. I’m quite sure of it. And that is:
How the heck is he going to break the news to the Archies??
Well, David, you’ll just have to face the onslaught, I guess, after any which channel you choose to tell it. But seriously, once the initial shock and dismay are tolerated, the Archies (the ones who have diehardly remained) are a whole lot of understanding and empathetic people. They will probably wait for you till you/they turn grey and feeble. 🙂
But, there again, he may squash all the rumours tomorrow by returning to doing secular music full-time. You’ll never know with this guy. 😉