zzzzzzzzz ……Ho-hum…!! …
I am tempted to post a blank page today … what does one do when one is steeped in Archu-silence and the ideas to deal with it, are running out?
But hang on! All is not lost! There are still some ideas floating about – some of which are Archu-inspired – which might carry you through. Not brilliant ideas but one never knows, these ideas may just create geniuses of us lot yet.
1. The obvious remedy is to play Crush etc on repeat … and repeat … and repeat … and repeat … and repeat … until your ears or heart or whatever, fall out.
2. Or, if you are the impatient kind, you can fly to Santiago and stamp your feet and create a scene outside his Church and insist on signing the Release Papers and that you won’t budge until a certain Elder comes out. Then maybe … just maybe … if you are extremely lucky … you will see him for an ecstatic duration of 5 whole seconds. Woah what a treat!
3. Or, if you are the loner and dreamer type, you can stay in your room and make a life-size image of him out of cardboard and stand him by your computer and stare at him everyday … and every night too if you wish … provided you are also not the sleeping kind.
4. If you like being in the kitchen, you can bake Archu-cupcakes and eat them all by yourself everyday, then spend the rest of the hours running on the treadmill.
5. If you like soiling your hands and fiddling with earthworms, you can find a secluded spot in your nearest park and plant a tree a day (since you can’t sing!) till he comes back, hopefully without too much legal entanglements and interference from the city council.
6. If you hate horrid things like I do, you can strut around your neighbourhood and do some community service by killing all those ugly, dirty cockroaches.
7. Or you can just mumble and grouch and learn to make a fine art of it. The trouble is, that habit in public will most certainly belie your age.
8. If you enjoy parties, you can organise Archu-groups every weekend and chant all day … the choice of agonised lamenting prayers or his songs is up to you. Just make sure you don’t overdo it and turn into Archu-silence zombies. (Oh…you’ve been a Zombie ever since you found David? Ok then … carry on … !)
9. You can try talking to yourself … any time during your waking hours … and for as long as you want … With habit, you might discover the joy of partaking in soliloquy – like those Shakespearan characters.
10. The more sane thing to do is to talk to your dogs instead. You’d be surprised how sympathetic and empathetic they can be during these therapeutic sessions which you might want to refer to as ODD Therapy – short for “Oh-Dog-vs-David!” Therapy.
11. Another great thing to do which we totally encourage, is for you to search out all the Archu-sites and write looooong comments in groans and moans – including AAM of course. Nonsensical stuff is welcome too. We are a very uderstanding lot in this aspect. We might even turn around and cry on your shoulder.
12. You can do the family laundry by hand everyday – plus all those belonging to your friends … relatives … neighbours … church members … enemies … passersby … etc etc. And mine too!
13. You can also switch to listening to Olly, as a couple of AAM’ers have traitorously done! 😛
14. You can lock yourself up in a sound-proof room and do a regimented yelling session everyday till your voice gets hoarse. Might be exorcising and purifying for your poor distressed missing-David soul. Kill your tonsils but save your soul!!
15. You can also go to Singing School and try to sing better than he – then you won’t need him anymore. Good luck!!
16. You will really take the cake if you do this one – sell your computer or your Blackberry or whatever, and pretend he never existed … that he has just been a figment of your imagination … then carry on with your boring and uninspired life. Good luck again! Been nice knowing you. Tata!
17. If you are a poor student living in a wealthy neighbourhood, you can wash all your neighbours’ cars and caravans and babysit their horrid bawling brats and start to save some $ for his future music. Make sure they pay you well!
18. Or you can go to Law School for a Quickie 6-month course and create another career.
19. Or you can write blogs for AAM so I can do that Quickie course in place of you.
20. You can write your Memoirs. And call the book “Chords Of Super-Strength – And The Power Of Endurance and Tenacity Of Waiting”. You might, with luck, make it to the best-selling list too!
21. If you are still gritting your teeth with anger, you can always write him hate-mail everyday and threaten him with divorce.
22. For those of you who are still sobbing and needing a shoulder to cry on, you might want to consider tweeting or calling Adrian of Sony to pour out your woes. I hear he is a pretty good listener. (By the way, just sneak in some hints for future concerts ya?)
23. For those enterprising-minded David-go-getters who are bored up to their eyeballs, McDonald’s is always looking for part-time staff, so what are you waiting for? Learn a trade and rid some Archu-silence time.
24. A weekly session at a Health Spa may help detox your bad spirit and reduce that computer-tummy.
25. Then you can go back to gorging chocolates and sweets at the computer and not feel so unhappy (about David) or guilty (about chocolates).
26. Read COS repeatedly. Learn it by heart. from cover to cover ( including the Acknowledgments). Then make a long 3-hour video of you reciting the texts (including the Acknowledgments) – word perfect. That will put you all over Youtube and earn you a place in the Guinness Book of Records for such an extraordinary feat and David will be very proud of you.
27. If none of the above works, you can put a paperbag over your head and block out the depressing silence.
28. Or you may prefer to put a blindfold over your eyes instead. In that way, you won’t be able to see him not being there.
29. Or you can wear ear-plugs so that you won’t hear the sounds of silence.
30. For those of you who are still in school/college, study so hard until the pages of your books burn! And your grades shoot up like Zero Gravity! That should earn you lots of parental leeway for Archu-activities later on. Invest!
31. For housewives, put on David’s music on repeat, then: mop the floor … wipe the furniture … wash the bathroom … sweep the terrace … scrub the kitchen … clean the toilets … take out the rubbish … cook enormous meals … bake … steam … fry … grill … boil … take long drives to the furthest supermarkets from home … be nice to your husband … fetch the kids … mend their socks … feed your pets … so many delightful chores – you might even begin to enjoy not having David harrassing you and giving you heart attacks every time he makes an out-of-the-blue decision.
32 – 101 …. Your turn. The other 70, you will have to imagine and create for yourself. 😛
I have tried doing most of the above but ………
The silence still persists and frustrates … the sounds of silence is louder than tropical thunder in my head.
I guess I should have included “a long hibernating nap” as well. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz