I trust your Forevermore cd has been relentlessly played to its maximum run and the disc has come to its frazzled end. (Always order an extra copy when buying David’s music!) If it has not, go ahead and feel inadequate and ashamed for calling yourself his fan.
I very much sympathise with your fanatical misbehaviour…….No, I lied. Actually, I have no sympathy for you at all. You have no talent in creating madness. If it is madness you are looking for, why not go all the way? Manifest it in more ways than one – let it flow!
(In actual fact, listening to David day in and day out, is not a madness. It is a disease – incurable – but not terminal. So it’s ok – accept it gracefully – and move on)
Madness is closer to lunacy. It is usually accompanied by ranting, screaming, insane notions and making foolish decisions. This is what I mean by good and proper madness:
– Waking up at 3 am for a fortnight every night to watch a Nadal match, then spending the days after, slithering around aimlessly like a homeless zombie – and cursing him.
– Smashing all your David-cd’s and dvd’s as a last resort to hopefully cure your extreme ODD, then trying to put the smithereens together again using elephant glue – all the time begging David to forgive you.
– Emptying your saving accounts to buy an air-ticket to go wandering in Chile, Santiago to be exact – with a heartful of all-consuming love but a pocket with zero moolah. (Don’t look at me – I’m already on the way to the airport.)
If all the above fail to convince you that you have madness sufficient to fill 3 generations comfortably, you might want to consider trying this: Believing in Canine Chatter! The ability to believe that dogs talk human talk, will proudly bring you to the fatal conclusion that: “Yeah…you ‘re a genius at being mad – in fact, you’re a goner!” Consider me one of you.
My pet canines:
Goof – the Know-All and He-Man of the kennel and a terrible bully,
Poof – the dizzy-blonde-type who believes she can sing
They don’t normally look as dopey as they do in the pic below. But unfortunately, like everyone else, including the humans, they have their dopey moments. I know you have met them before last year but….Ok, so I’m a wind-bag….do continue reading…….
I am undoubtedly grateful to my lucky stars (which, unfortunately, seem to have a wicked sense of humour) for having bestowed upon me the “good” fortune of ownership of dogs with such unusual talents. But, mostly, I am despondent and running out of ideas to pacify my neighbours who are as freaked-out as they are distressed, having to put up with dogs that talk, just a few feet from their backyard.
But, more mostly (excuse the bad English), I am more despondent as to whether my life with these 2 dogs, is actually a mad and bad dream, induced by too much of a good thing called Archuleta – imposed on a state of mind that is already questionable.
Poof: YIKES!! What’s that horrendous sound, Goof?! So eerie….is it a ghost?!
Goof: It’s Marmie. She does that every night since David left.
Poof: Ah yes….I heard about his leaving on E-News. Gone somewhere called……Curry?
Goof: CHILE, you dope!
Poof: Why do they call it chilli? Does it taste spicy?
Goof: How would I know…..humans are weird sometimes. And irrelevant.
Poof: Maybe I should sing a David-song to cheer her up?
Goof: Perish the thought, woman! Your version of Crush always freaks out the whole neighbourhood – with those abominable, diabolical, blood-curdling Dracula-noises that emerge from your doggone throat!!
Poof: Oh alriiiight…! You don’t have to keep on reminding me of my not-so-perfect vocals….Why did David go away anyway..
Goof: How would I know…..maybe he wants to pray….
Poof: To pray? To pray for 2 years? That’s a very long prayer, I must say.
Goof: Oh shush! I don’t pretend to know the workings of a human mind. But I do know the humans have something very important called Religion.
Poof: What’s that?
Goof: It is something that turns a bad human into a good human. You pray….you sing….and you don’t ask so many questions – like YOU!!
Poof: Don’t ask questions? I ask questions because I don’t understand all those human things…
Goof: Don’t be so stooopid! You’re not supposed to understand. Do you think the humans themselves understand?…
Poof: Oh dear…it must be difficult being a human.
Goof: Don’t worry. All dogs go to heaven – I read it somewhere. We are more lovable and less complicated..
Poof: Will Marmie go to heaven?
Goof: I think she will go wherever David goes.
Poof: Perhaps he is so happy in that chilly place he won’t come back!
Goof: Of course he will come back, you goose! He has too much at stake – everyone’s waiting for him! Didn’t you see the world trending?!
Poof: Hey! Stop calling me a goose! I’m not a goose! I’m a full-pedigreed Rottweillean dog!
Goof: Reeeally?… Are you sure!
Poof: Marmie told me!
Goof: ok…ok……(muttering to himself) a singing Rottweiler…sure…!
Poof: But seriously, why did he have to go away?
Goof: (Getting impatient)..Hmmmpphh…because he is confused…
Poof: He is confused? About what?
Goof: Well…some fans tell him he should go in this direction….some other fans tell him to go in that direction…the poor guy gets no peace from all these over-caring and over-bearing mothers and grandmothers who want to nurse him and nurture him and maybe control his every move……
Poof: He is not at peace with himself then.
Goof: I did not say thaaat!
Poof: Or he has no mind of his own.
Goof: Oi hello! I did not say thaaaat either!! Hey dumb-dumb, don’t you go into AAM to listen to all their analysises of him?!
Poof: Not lately. Those AAM humans don’t analyse…….they just want to spazz…spazz….spazz!
Goof: Hey! Don’t say things like that! You will make them angry!
Poof: Sorry…just sayin’. But he still didn’t have to run away and hide in the jungle, that stinker, and make Marmie and her friends cry and wail and make ghostly noises!
Goof: He is NOT hiding in a jungle!…..I think he has gone to pray for idiots like you! I betcha you made him angry!
Poof: Huh? I made him angry? What have I done? I didn’t even try to distract him from his prayer by writing to him at PO Box 4297!
Goof: Why didn’t you then?
Poof: Because I didn’t know how to sign my name!
Goof: But he is angry with you all the same.
Poof: But why, for barking out loud!
Goof: Because you distort his songs, that’s why! No one should try to sing his songs! Because they can’t! Especially you!
Poof: Aahhh…I know! I’ll sing the latest ForeverSomething instead. I know all the lyrics by heart already.
Poof: Wherever You Are?
Poof: Not even Nandito Ako? Tagalog is easy….
Goof: No! No! No! Stop doggone goofing around! Just stop stop stop singing altogetheeerrrrgggrr…!
Poof: Spoilt-sport. You always bully me because I’m a woman.
Goof: (looking away…exasperated…changing subject) I wish we could do something for Marmie….she looks so sad…. Maybe we should learn to Tweet him to come back soon.
Poof: TWWEEEEETT!!?? But how can we?! We are dogs! Not BLOOMIN’ BIRDS !!!
Goof: Ohh…YOU! You stooopid female dog! Go back into the kennel and stop bothering me!
Poof: You big macho bully…….
It’s maniacal enough already to own dogs that talk – do they need to have opinions too?!
Mad humans deserve mad dogs, I guess.