By Tracewillow
Dear Elder Archuleta
Why the heck do I heedlessly address you as Elder
When I am so many years and decades and eons older
Perhaps you remind me of my own dear old grandpapa
Who I have loved and adored with my eyes a-gaga
So now you have assumed the role of a solemn respected priest
And we must take a few steps back to submissively retreat
No more bellows of Woahs and Woots and ridiculous ravings
No more concerts and flights thank you, we’ll have plenty savings
Tell us, are you seriously enjoying your faraway mission
Or are you just a guy steeped in some confusion
Please do not deem it a sham to take the reverse bus home
Should you throw in the towel and no longer want to roam
How do you spend every hour till the midnight chime of the clock
Other than chanting your prayers and washing your own socks
Do you think of us at all while merrily swaggering around
Handsomely attired in a suit and tie where nice Latinos abound
Do you shake their friendly hands and tap your musical feet
Or 2-arm hug them in church while you meet and greet
Do you squeeze in a melody or two while you solemnly preach
Or are you one of those really boring people when you teach
Are you still singing every night to religiously practise
Or have your vocal cords gone mouldy and rather amiss
No spicy food please, chilean chillis are mighty potent
They make you sweat, numb your tonsils, or have you forgotten
Do you feel at ease speaking their Spanish lingo
When the guys smile at you and call you Amigo
We are envious when the senoritas eye you with amore
Poor us must wait 2 years to do the same, what can we say
We hear from sources you’re frisky and very happy
Then there you must stay, we are really not that ratty
Oh dang I lost my senses, what am I saying
Come back this minute, we are hoarse from constantly braying
Rumour has it you quietly sneaked a trip to Argentina too
Oh dear how many missions do you intend to do
Aren’t you worried we’ll dump you if you do one too many
Won’t attend your concerts or buy your music, won’t spend a penny
So have our blessings, chop-chop completo your chilean mission
Me and my friends can be fickle beyond your wildest imagination
Today is about your princely self and all your adorableness
Tomorrow may be an unworthy xyz and his cute abomination
We hear BEGIN seems to be the brand new word in town
Been guessing left right and centre it’s making us frown
Is it the BEGINning of a BEGINning that you want to BEGIN to BEGIN
Or you will BEGIN to BEGIN a new BEGINning you know will BEGIN to win
Peace Be To Thee ArchuElder
And to all your ArchuArchies
AMEN