A facetious thought. I wouldn’t dream of phoning him. What’s his number anyway? Is he even allowed to have a cellphone? What the heck would I say? The same cliched lines like: “How are you?” “Boohoo, when are you coming back?” It must be so annoying to him. No, I’ll just SIT pretty. WAIT pretty. WORRY pretty. And IMAGINE pretty – like this phonecall:
Umm …hi! Wh-who is it? (Oh jeeezz ! Quick … what’s my name!?)
Er … I’m calling on behalf of AAM.
Nevermind … I’m just a silly old far.. , I mean, fan, who can’t leave you alone. All the Archies send their love.
Why did you take so long to come to the phone? This call is costing me alot of money you know!
Aww .. I’m sorry
What were you doing anyway, when I called?
Umm … I can’t tell you.
Because it’s a secret.
Were you praying?
Converting … Smiling … Doodling … ? (Jeeez … this silly old far … I mean, fan, won’t give up …!)
Umm … it’s a secret …
It seems like everything you do nowadays is a secret huh. Are you a secret agent?
Can you sing something now so I can blast it out to your Archies?
Umm … no …
Why not? You have a sorethroat? Shall we send you some lozenges?
Umm … no … but thanks …
Maybe you have a fever! Touch your forehead! We can send some Panadol by courier or express mail! (OR PERHAPS WE CAN GO BUY AN AIR TICKET FOR AN EXPRESS FLIGHT AND BRING IT TO YOU PERSONALLY!!)
No … it’s ok.
Maybe you have a toothache! You need some pain-killers! An antiseptic rinse! I know just the one for you! Shall we ……..
No … I’m ok.
Aahhhhh… I know! You’re under-nourished! You haven’t been eating properly! We must send you some pad thai with extra chicken!
Umm … umm … umm … (He sounds tempted!)
We promise to stop at fish soup.
*giggles* … thanks, but no …I have to go now … I’m not allowed to talk on the phone unless it’s an emergency. (Wow! So many words all in one go!)
But this IS an emergency! We need you HERE!!
My church needs me now … thanks for calling … bye!
(I think what he means is: ”Thanks for calling – but please don’t do it again.)
No David, we wouldn’t for the world disrupt your peace … like the way you’ve disrupted ours. Not for the present anyway. Just you wait!! Feelin’ freakin’ anxious … on the verge of growing a beard … but definitely waiting.
Now let me go check my telephone bill!!